I adore this picture for 1) it captures a moment in history only talked about now and 2) Me and Rozzelle are rockin' those head bands.

I don't miss anything I used to stand for back in middle school. I firmly believe that your past has a lot to do with who you are today, and I have to say, mine speaks for it's self. I have familiar interests from my younger years, but as well, a lot has changed. My mouth is still as dirty as it always it, but I have a deeper view of things and people around me (although I am still powerless against them) It's interesting to think how I would have handled certain things back then. I want to believe all people are good at spirit and heart and most of them are. But everything can change when something new is added to the mix. Like a letter or some drugs. But there's nothing that can't be changed. As long as there's a heart beat an the sun is shining, anything can be resolved.

I can't complain today. I was good..and sunny. Although my face (and ego) are bruised from various sports balls...I enjoyed being in today. I couldn't help feeling like I should find something horrible about the people or the situation. It's strange, but I couldn't do it. It felt I was violating some teenage law where it's okay to be "okay" sometimes. Lately, I've experienced what it's like to get lost in cooper city, the horrid taste of teenagers, and made a fort in my bedroom. Eh. Not bad :D And then there's always that one person...all the time...ugh. Don't even get me started. Now, it's on to...uh...tea parties?

"Spring Cleaning"

Kinda reminds me of a porcelain doll...but yeah, I just cut my hair. And it's super short man. But I kinda like it like that. It makes me feel..freer in a sense. I'll probably get some taking used to, but I'm ready for it.

When I see you

It's not time to start playing the blame game, especially toward a city with no control over it's personalities within. You look in many mirrors with many different looks, but eventually...everything begins to look the same. Men can't be the only thing in the world, cause then everything else..cuddling...kissing...holding hands...laughing...gets put to the side and thrown away like leftovers. Leftovers are the overlooked food in the entire world. These self-destructive things, hook-ups and smoking, can't fill any void you think your missing. Cause everything can be filled by the right person, or right song, or even the right flavor jelly bean. You have to let go of all those things you think you need because it's what you see on tv and everyone is so fucking happy and smiling. Behind the florescence and scripted pages, there's people. And it's a parallel universe some people get sucked in and never find the light. H, you are charming, spontaneous, delicious, and sometimes you smell like coffee. If no one can see that, then obviously they are too much of a "scene kid" to notice anything outside themselves. Can't you fall in love with your friend? Does it have to be the love of a man? Friend love is far more powerful and magical.

I need a new addiction. And my journal is collecting dust.... :-(

I am so confused. Between Him and him, I can't decide which one is better for me. I talk to Him more than him lately, and it's scaring me. And with Him, our conversations are always very intense and such. And "Animal I Have Become" reminds me of you and us back in the park. Then "Skyway Avenue" reminds me when I said goodbye to you in the same park, different time..different me. HOLY CRAP!!!!! It's official...the only things that make me happy are fruit smoothies, sunny days walking, giggle fits, and holding hands under starry night.

I feel like I lost my best friend somehow. It feels horrible.

~I think it's time for a cleansing.

I went to go see Alice in 3-D, talked about old times, and came home with Mango Juice. I liked today very much.

For those of you who know me, I'm going to do something I haven't done in years.
For those of you who don't, I'm going to do something totally new.

That smiley faced kid and ducks

Coming from both directions and we're trapped. We ducked and tried to stay as quiet as possible (YEAH RIGHT!) and then we saw you smoking and I freaked out and danced a little. We shot some scenes for our upcoming flick and I wore a parachute dress. As well, I have a doorknob shaped bruise on my back. You probably don't want to know how I got that.

I want to blast "Thriller" By Fall Out Boy and walk around in the dark with good friends and have a couple laughs.
I need to do homework for multiple classes so my grade doesn't go down.
I want to eat turkey burgers with a tall glass of milk.
I crave some sort of consistency within myself and my emotions.
I deserve to get slapped, punched, and beaten.
I have not smiled truly since Saturday.
I feel hot and cold all at the same time.
I need to stop watching you in the morning because it's just making me look stupid.
And finally,
Everyone has been so kind and I really love that about you guys.
Thanks to all my friends for being friends and being beautiful always.
Never lose that glow.

Harder to see the shore line, farther out into deep blue. I'm soaking, scared, soaring. I never believed in god, but I prayed till my mind fell ill. Then nothing made sense. I saw the rocks ahead and to the side of me, and smiled. I saw bright splashes of violet and indigo dance it's way across my dead eyes. I saw palm trees performing an opera and my closed ears almost opened up. I looked down and saw mermaids swim with their emerald-green tails reflecting the moon light into the crests of each wave. I closed my eyes and there I was, swimming with them. They showed me their city, rich with gold and exotic fish. But then I felt something weird. I couldn't move. I couldn't swim anymore. Everything was stiff. I managed to move my head up there was nothing. I sunk deeper into the pool of wonder, leaving the real world and my ill mind behind.

A "last saturday" and Molly French

My lips are begging for a kiss and all I have is my pillow ;-) It seems I've been trying to keep myself real busy, doing homework and planning weekends and after-school specials. But this is one of the loneliest times for me. I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything, which includes cleaning my room which took me and my mom to finish. I feel like shit because I see her face when she comes in here and I have all this time and....nevermind. It's not so important that I have to put online. And anyway I can't really complain when Anberlin is playing.


Sweep away and hide under the bed. I'm coming after you. Deeper inside my bristles, I'm waiting to get you. Secrets can't stay here anyone. Your time is up little darlings.

iiiUPDATE!!!

With everything going on, I forgot about this thing. Mid-terms are making my stomach flip (seeing that I never really pay attention and my grades have been dropping.) At least I can cross FCAT off my hit list. Done and done! But anyway, I don't blame the PMS for my mood swings anymore. It's a lousy excuse. Instead, I'm blaming the weather, which is kinda allowed because it's been PMSing lately. Although Saturday was gorgeous and windy. Almost unreal. I had to sit out and really feel the gravity and the force of the wind hit me to really believe that out of all this shit, comes flowers.

It feels like my stomach is eating itself. Man, I hate today.

VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM!!! Ah ha.....I love movies....

I don't care if the world ends. As long as I can see the stars, I think I'll be okay.